I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
