This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
