i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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