What did we do last night that was yellow?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
