I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
