Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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