how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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