Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
