She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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