if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
