This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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