Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My cat gives me a boner
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
