Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
