I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
