pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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