3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I could fuck to npr.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
