You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
