What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
