Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
