the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
