okay pat passed out under dana's car
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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