You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
