fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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