I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
