I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
