Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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