So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
