I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
another moral hangover. fuck.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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