I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
