I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it glows. i had to have it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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