saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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