she was so not down for the gang bang
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
