if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
