just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She bit a glass in half.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
