Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
