She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
