They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
