If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
