forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
