i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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