There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
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I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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