made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize