I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
