I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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