Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
