but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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