I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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