Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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