Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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