i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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