are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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