is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
