We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
