I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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