he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We got so high we made milksteak
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
