i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
