How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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