dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
