We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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