I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
