Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
