He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
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Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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