this just has baby written all over it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
