I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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