Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
