I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
