last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
