How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
