he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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