I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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