The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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