STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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