yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
