My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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