Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
