just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
