Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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