how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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