I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have fence marks all over my body
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
