dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
