I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
