Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
