go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
