considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
