I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
